This blog is posted by request from lots of my Facebook friends. Personally, this was as traumatic as it was entertaining – certainly the best way to spend a 5 hour mechnical delay on my last flight home for a semester…
The following is a string of my Facebook posts and friends’ comments along the journey… Enjoy!
ME: What is the best way to tell a woman her supposed pants are tights? Do I add that the seagull esque tattoo on left check is radical? Do I add that underwear… Any kind might also be a nice choice with this pant option…
There is no way!
ME: PS… She just shared she only packed one pair of socks… Yes but what about underwear…. A blanket…. Something.
Blech.
Let her know those pants make her look fat and the homeless guy on the corner said he found her panties. Yuck!
Glad you like my tattoo…
I think that people, women especially, should be allowed to wear whatever they please. Ridiculing people, especially women, for their choices in clothing bothers me. Just my thoughts.
I’m an equal opportunity clothing critic. Guys who wear jeans so tight their junk shows deserve this criticism too Jayden.
I don’t think anyone deserves criticism for the clothing they wear. It is not our job to police the personal choices of others when said choices do not harm others.
You’re right Jayden. And I never used the word deserve. I shared what I did, wrong as I may be.
ME: See through pants girl on the floor next to me… Help.
Oh that’s never good…
ME: PS… I am VERY proud of my stealthy camera on smart phone usage here…
Bahahahahaha. You’re killing me here!
I would say something, in a “girl to girl, I’m just looking out for you” sort of way. Just let her know that you’re not sure if she knows, but her pants are a little more sheer than she may be aware of. If she gets pissed, oh well. But she may just thank you for it.
ME: Girl to girl talk… About fashion… I’m 100 years older than her… Fuck my bird tattoo is older than her….
You crack me up.
Right, but I would be appreciative if someone let me know something like that. No matter who it came from. And it’s not like you’re some old hag that’s calling her a hoochie. You’re just pointing out a wardrobe problem.
ME: a MAJOR wardrobe problem.
I would bite my tongue. What if she can’t do anything about it?
ME: she has luggage – only one pair of socks evidently – but maybe pants? skirt? scarf? underwear?
Hmmm. No underwear? Gross. I draw the line at camel toe. Go for it and report back to us!
ME: you are way WAY behind… there are pics and play by play posts….
Lol. Indeed! Didn’t realize this was a mini-series.
ME: it is! i feel like y’all will be disappointed when (if) i actually get on a flight home…
she looks like my sister…..
ME: All about stealthy smart phone camera shots… More attractive distractions! I dedicate this one to my friend’s dog Homer.
(Said friend) Love it
ME: Need an extreme example of passive aggressive/passive behavior… I just went to the bathroom at the airport – changed into PJs. 3 important things 1) my stage clothes are really as comfortable as my PJs. 2) I promised if too tight pants girl came into the bathroom I would say something – someone did come in but it was someone else brushing her teeth. 3) too tight pants girl is now MIA… perhaps though, she will return and see me in a second pair of pants and realize she should magically put on a first pair… fingers crossed.
haha You’re cracking me up!! I hope she gets a clue!
Maybe you could show her this??
Am I Wearing Pants? An Important Style Flowchart
Photo Courtesy: www.huffingtonpost.com
Me: this is perfect – I left the image up when i went to get a drink of water – hoping she might return and see it… can’t know if that did or didn’t happen – still MIA.
You are beyond the best and i miss you oh so much, haha.
You shouldn’t use the term “MIA” when you’re in an airport. I was briefly confused as to whether she was missing or in Miami. Just saying.
ME: GP as in good point.
ME: Guilt maybe? Trying to name the feeling that is in me right now – I have not intervened – I am a bystander – and now too tight pants girl is roaming an airport – I can’t find her – she is MIA… I should have said something… damn me…
ME: She is an adult who you can assume owns a mirror (or there was one in the store where she purchased the alleged pants). You aren’t her mom. Guilt be gone – bigger fish to fry. (You have, however, kept many of us here at home entertained!)
If too tight pants girl is happy and feeling good in her too tight pants why is it your(our) place to judge her?
Because judging is fun… oh, wait, I’m not supposed to do that right?
ME: great point! now i feel guilty for being an asshole and a bystander. If we wanna get all social justice-y (don’t I get a night off?) if she were a larger person – I’m sure the comments would be way worse from others and I, as a larger person, would definitely say something… I think…
I don’t feel I’m being particularly social justice-y. If you were her friend and she walked out of the dressing room at target and said “are these too tight” and you just sat there and said nothing then that would be on you. But she didn’t ask you. And I, as a larger person, would be disgusted if someone told me my pants were too tight without me asking. I certainly would not feel that it was in my best interest for a stranger to tell me. And I wholly agree that comments would be worse (and probably horrifying) if she were a larger person. But “better” isn’t always “nice”. I don’t think you’re an asshole. I just think this is a time when you can just let her do her thing. If you run into her in the bathroom and she asks “do these pants look good? I’m about to go visit my uncle, he’s a pants dealer and sent me them as a present,” then tell her!
ME: Actually laughing out loud…. Thanks friend.
This is too funny, I’m addicted to the story! Sort of like a choose your own adventure!
Maybe these were the pants she had that fit the best.
I’m screwed if social justice stretches to fashion.
This entire episode has been the highlight of my evening. But the fact that you could tell how she was landscaped made it that much funnier…. and tragic….. and funnier. I’m apparently going even further into the depths of hell than I had thought. But, yep, that sh** was funny.
ME: I have used up my alloted time of free wifi in the airport. Fingers crossed the mechanic flies in, replaces a screw quickly, we take off, I make my connection, and get home. Moral of tonight… Choose to be happy and check a mirror. 
And remember to wear underwear
Regarding your pants (or lack thereof) narration…I assume you haven’t attended a career fair lately. You would have a field day. We actually DO turn students away bc of dress…but so much gets by….
ME: Boarding.
ME: Just in time… TTP Girls (too tight pants) and I just washed our hands together… Same time I mean. I decided to take in all of your advice… I ask a? About the flight. She gives me update. I told her I like her jacket. She’s says thanks and likes my socks… Funny stripes of course… I then say… Here it comes… I wouldn’t be comfortable wearing those tights. So many ways to take this… Pornographically tight… Or my body issues… She says… That’s funny… I wear them all the time… I think they are wearing thin. . . I tried not to laugh. It is punny and tragic… And we both walked out proud and confident. You rock it girl!
Amazing story!
Thank you for all the posts on TTP girl!! Made my night. Hilarious.
Me: Yeah! Made my night better too.
Hey Jessica – do you think it might be a little judgmental of you to tell a woman (was she a girl, as in a person presenting a lady-ish gender under 18, or a woman, a person presenting a lady-ish gender over 18) that you think her pants are too tight? I find myself really bothered by this set of posts from you, and very surprising.
She is really behind those pants. You are right. Rock on.
ME: Last type girl update… It’s the punch line… Can’t resist! Guess what her final destination is tonight? United flight connecting in San Francisco to……… You guess and i’ll tell you when we land in. San Francisco…. Winner gets a joke.
Your see thru pant story is ridiculous. I love you.
Bend, Oregon.
Eureka, CA.
Somewhere along a fault line.
Well, her scarf had color, so it can’t be Seattle (my own scarf evidence notwithstanding… I’m an anomaly).
Half Moon Bay?
Bangkok.
Modesto!
Eugene.
Crescent City?
Butte, Montana.
Utah.
ME: Salt Lake City…. I would have thought someone would have guessed beavertowne
I knew it! I win.
This is the funniest ever. I probably would have been in the same moral dilemma. You should write to dear Abby lmbo.
I am literally laughing out loud reading this!!
THE NEXT DAY
For the record, I don’t get the current leggings and boots trend. Your posts tonight have strengthened my resolve to avoid this fashion era.
You are cracking me up with all these posts, sister!!!
A woman just walked by my office wearing a heavy parka and transparent pants. I thought of you.
In honor of your TTP girl posts – and it being laundry day – I am wearing my OWN TTPs today. Yay for body-love! (Although mine are quite opaque. and made of denim. and I generally look dressed.)
THE END FOLKS
February 7, 2013 at 3:11 pm
This is absolutely pee-in-my-pants hilarious. Loved it. Going to share right now. Thanks for sharing Jessica – made my night.